Speaker ka. Nag-joke ka. Walang Tumawa. Papano na???

Ilang tips sa paggamit ng joke o humour sa speech o presentation mo.

Una, dapat related sa topic mo ang joke o humor.

Pangalawa, pagkatapos mong mag-joke, huwag na huwag mong sasabihin ang mga ito:

1. "Kidding aside"
2. "Seriously now"

Ito ang dahilan: ang audience mo, nagpunta para makinig ng speech o presentation. Hindi sila nagpunta para manood ng stand-up comedy act. Para sa kanila, seryoso ang pakikinig.

Pagkatapos mong ibagsak ang joke mo, ready ka na to proceed to the subject matter.

Anong gagawin mo pagkatapos mo gumamit ng joke o humor?

Well, dalawang possibilities.

Una, tatawa ang audience.

Pangalawa, hindi nila gets ang joke. Resulta: nakakabinging silence.

Anong gagawin mo.

Ilang payo.

Una, 'pag tumawa ang audience, huwag kang tatawa. Pause ka lang. Medyo poker face. Hayaan mong i-enjoy nila joke mo. 'Pag tapos na ang tawanan, proceed ka na sa speech o presentation proper mo.

Pangalawa, 'pag walang tumawa, lalong huwag na huwag kang tatawa. Huwag kang tatawa sa sarili mong joke. Dedma ka lang. Kunwari, hindi mo nahalata na hindi nila gets ang joke mo. Tigil ka sandali. Then, proceed ka na sa speech o presentation proper mo. Parang walang nangyari.

Pagkatapos mo, saka mo na lang lunurin sa kain ang embarassment.

Kung ako ang tatanungin mo, iiwasan ko ang paggamit ng joke sa umpisa ng speech o presentation.

May risk kasi na isipin nila na hindi ka seryoso sa speaking o presentation task mo. O kaya, baka magmukhang lightweight ang presence mo. Exception na lang kung speech to entertain talaga ang peg ng pagsasalita mo.

People listen to you to benefit from what you have to say. They invest precious time and energy to listen to something worthwhile.

Let's take that seriously.

Two (2) Things Audiences want from Speakers

Imagine this. You're the Guest Speaker in an important event. You want to make a good impression and leave your audience with a great and lasting memory of your speech.

As you walk towards the microphone, you wonder: How am I going to do that?

Well, for starters, it will help to know what the audience wants from us, Speakers.

Most audiences are not demanding. All they want from us are two (2) simple things. If we can give them these two things, then we are on the way to making a good impression and leaving them with a great and lasting memory of our speech.

Here are the two things they want from us:

First, that the ideas we are to present to them BE ORGANIZED.

Second, that as we stand before them to speak, we BE CONNECTED to them.

Be organised. Be connected.

Two simple things they want from us. It's not too big a favour.  Not difficult to give, are they?

By "organised", they mean they want to know …

… what we will cover;
… what our main ideas are;
…  how they will know we have come to the climax and to the end of our speech.


By "connected", our audiences mean they want to feel that …

… we are speaking not just from the head but also from the heart; and
… we are speaking to them, personally … even if there are a thousand people in the audience.

Here's how I make sure the ideas in my oral presentation or speech are organised.

I follow this timeless, simple yet powerful formula. Here's how the formula goes:

"First, tell them what you are about to tell them (audience). Then, tell them. And then, tell them again what you just told them."

The principle tells me that there are three (3) important items that must be present in the speech or presentation material.

One, the OVERVIEW ( I tell them what I am about to tell them).

Two, the PRESENTATION PROPER (I tell them).

Three, the SUMMARY (I tell them again what I just told them).

The Overview excites my audience. The Presentation Proper enriches my audience. The Summary … well … makes my audience very happy to know that I have reached the end of my presentation.

Seriously, the Summary tells the again what I have just covered and reminds them what ideas are important to remember.

How much more organised can one be?

Next week: Three (3) powerful tools that connect us to our audiences.

Sinabihan ka ng "Tanga!" Ano ang gagawin mo?

'Yung kausap mo, bigla kang sinabihan ng "Tanga!".

Teka. 'Wag ka muna mag-react. Hinto ka muna. Isip. Sabi nga, "Pause and think".

Ang tawag sa situwasyon mo, "adversarial" communication. Pag-uusap na medyo kulang sa pag-uunawaan. Puwedeng hindi nagkakaintindihan.

Ang kausap mo, puwedeng mahirap din intindihin. Mahirap pakisamahan. Sa ingles, "difficult person".

Bago ka mag-react sa nadinig mong masakit na salita, gawa ka muna ng ilang desisyon.

Una, decide ka: sasagot ka pa ba?

Pangalawa, decide ka: kung sasagot ka pa, paano at ano ang sasabihin mo?

SASAGOT KA PA BA?

Puwedeng oo, puwedeng hindi. Kung anuman ang piliin mo sa dalawa, dapat malinaw ang dahilan.

Puwedeng hindi sumagot? Oo naman. Halimbawa, ang taong nagsabi ng masakit sayo, wala namang kinalaman sa mahahalagang bagay sa buhay mo. Sabi nga, irrelevant. Hindi mo siya stakeholder. 'Pag ganun, puwedeng umalis ka na lang nang walang sinasabi. Sabi nga ni Matt Monro, "walk away". Sabi nga ni Allan K., "Vavuh!"

Strategy ang "walk away". Magandang strategy. Kasi, 'pag nag "walk away" ka at nagsalita pa din si Difficult Person, sino ngayon ang … ? Alam mo na 'yun.

Puwedeng sumagot? Oo naman  din. Dapat malinaw sa isip mo ang "bakit pa ako sasagot?".

May magandang dahilan para sumagot. Ang dahilan - importante kasi sa buhay mo si Difficult Person. Stakeholder mo siya. May kinalaman siya sa tagumpay mo sa trabaho, sa propesyon o sa personal na buhay. Ayaw mong magkasira kayong dalawa.

Kasi, 'pag nagkasira kayong dalawa, pareho kayong …, 'di ba? Alam mo na 'yun.

PAANO SASAGOT?

May tatlong paraan. Ikaw ang mag-decide kung alin ang tama sa pagkakataong 'yun.

Una, "contain". Ibig sabihin, ang sagot mo, hindi na papalalain ang init ng ulo ni Difficult Person.

Pangalawa, "confront". Ibig sabihin, gusto mong makita niya na mali at masama ang sinabi niya.

Pangatlo, "control". Ibig sabihin, ikaw ang magdala ng pagpapatuloy ng usapan para pumunta ito sa isang maayos na pagkakasundo at solusyon. Reconciliation and resolution, sabi nga sa ingles.

CONTAIN

Isang example ng "contain" answer: "Sa tingin ko, napainit ko ang ulo mo. Marahil ay may nagawa akong hindi maayos sa pandinig mo. Humihingi ako ng paumanhin. 'Pag ready ka na, mag-usap ulit tayo."

'Pag nagdadaldal pa si Difficult Person, ulitin mo ang sagot nang mas banayad (gentle) at mas marahan (slower) ang boses mo.

CONFRONT

Example ng sagot na pang-confront: "Masakit ang sinabi. Sa tingin ko, hindi mo dapat sinabi sa akin 'yun. I would appreciate an apology. At 'pag ready ka na, mag-usap ulit tayo".

Teka muna. Dapat ang boses mo dito, banayad at marahan din, ha. Kahit confront 'yan. hindi puwede diyan ang taray. Hindi ka si Kris, noh!

'Pag nagsalita pa si Difficult Person, ulitin mo lang ulit ang sinabi mo. Lalo pang marahan. Lalong pang banayad. Pero may konting diin.

Sa "contain" sinalo mo ang init. Sa "confront", ibinalik mo ang init sa pinanggalingan - kay Difficult Person.

Pero sa kanilang dalawa, wala kang isinarang pinto. Bukas pa din ang pag-uusap. Kasi nga, importante ang relasyon ninyo. At ayaw ninyo parehong maging …, 'di ba? Alam mo na 'yun.

CONTROL

Example ng "control" answer: "Sa tingin ko, nalalayo ang usapan natin sa ating original goal. Ang suggestion ko is magpalamig muna tayo. At 'pag malamig na pareho ang ulo natin, i-review natin ang goal natin at pag-aralan natin kung papaano tayo makaka-move forward".

Ganun din - 'pag nagsalita pa si Difficult Person, ulitin mo lang ang sagot mo.

Sa "control" walang pasahan ng init. Hindi mo sinalo. Hindi mo ibinalik. Ang focus, sa "original goal" at sa "moving forward". Hirap, 'di ba? Kaya sa "control" strategy, kailangan may control ka din sa emotions mo. Kailangan, malinaw sa isip natin na mas importante ang goal and moving forward mesa sa Pride. Ang Pride, magaling lang sa pagpapaputi ng damit pero walang kuwenta sa pag-uusap nang maayos.

Ayan. Tatlong paraan.

Ikaw pumili kung alin ang mas bagay sa pangyayari.

Alinman sa tatlo, garantisado - hindi ikaw ang …, 'di ba?

Alam mo na 'yun.

Three (3) Things that Make Your Audiences REALLY Happy

After every workshop or speaking engagement, I make it a point to get feedback from several people from my audience.

Two things I make sure I find out from them:

1. Among the things I said, which one was most significant and useful to them; and
2. How did they feel after listening to me.

This habit has made me understand my audiences better. Today, I can say I know what works with audiences and what does not.

I also know what make them happy. Really happy.

Here are three (3) things audiences appreciate much.

1.  A clear Purpose
2. A crisp Overview
3. A coherent Flow

They love it when you say right at the start why you are there, why you are making the presentation or delivering a speech. They appreciate a clear statement of the Purpose. They say it helps them "tune in" to the speaker or presenter. It helps them understand how they should listen, what items in the speech or presentation they should pay close attention to and what they are expected to do at afterwards.

Here's another winner - a crisp Overview. Overview is "telling the audience what we are about to tell them". My audiences say the Overview helps them organise the ideas in their head. A crisp Overview is their "mental map" of the presentation or speech. If the Overview tells them that the speaker or presenter intends to cover Three Points, then they know that when Point 1 is done, Point 2 follows. And they know that when Point 3 has been covered, that's the end.

Overview is a forgotten yet powerful tool. Let's start using it again.

Lastly, a coherent Flow. This is a no-brainer. Our listeners "demand" two things from us. One, that each and every part of the speech or presentation be related. It has to be a "family of clearly connected ideas", not a neighbourhood of strangers. Two, that the train of ideas makes sense, follows a pattern, and comes to a logical conclusion.

Purpose. Overview. Flow. They make the speech or presentation seem like going on a smooth journey. You leave port with a clear destination. You have a good view of how the whole journey will proceed. Then, you sail with the current and with the cool, gentle wind behind you.

Three Things Standout Speakers "Own"

We've heard public speaking mentors say we must "own the room" if we want to command the audience's attention and hold it to the end of our speech.

That's true. I have seen standout speakers delight, inspire and move their audiences using varying styles and with one thing in common - they all "own the room".

Public speaking mentor Timothy J. Koegel, in his book "The Exceptional Presenter" (Greenleaf Book Group Press, 2007), defines "owning the room" as a originally used to describe " an actor who is so completely in character that he walks on stage with total confidence".

Well, "the room" is just one of three things every standout speaker must "own".

Here are the other two:

1. The standout speaker "owns the message"

2. The standout speaker "owns the communication process"

Why "own the message"? It is because audiences expect the speaker to be an authority on what he is telling them. Otherwise, it would be better for them to just read up on the subject matter or google the net to find out what others have already said about it.

We listen to a speaker because, no matter what the subject matter is, at that particular moment, the message is his.

Here are the three elements in a speech or presentation that tells the audience that the speaker truly "owns the message":

1. The speaker "feels" the message. 

    The movements in his  face, voice and body reflect his the importance of what he is saying and that he, himself, believes  it.

2.  The speaker "knows" the subject matter of the message.

    He knows it so well that he can highlight the points that truly matter to the audience, can use simple words to express them, and can present them from the "first person"viewpoint.

3. The speaker "lives" the message.

   He can explain the message using examples from real-life experience, and  enrich the message by injecting his personal insights and viewpoints.

I will share my insights on  "owning the communication process" in the next post.

[Archie Inlong helps speakers "own" the room, the message and the process through workshops or personal coaching. For information, email archie_inlong@yahoo.com]

THE POWER OF AFFIRMATION

People often ask me, how did you get to be such a powerful speaker?

Let me share the secret. The reason was not Dale Carnegie. The Dale Carnegie course simply confirmed that the way I have been doing and teaching Public Speaking was correct.

The secret is the POWER OF AFFIRMATION.

And I first experienced that from that one person who had one of the biggest impact in my life: my grade school speech teacher, Mrs. SYLVIA FERNANDEZ.

In 1964 (whew, nearly half a century ago), I was in Second Grade at the University of Santo Tomas (UST) Elementary School. Mrs. Fernandez conducted a twice-a-week English Speech class for us. I always looked forward to attending her class. Because she was classy. She had class. She spoke impeccable English.

Many of my classmates were afraid of her. She was strict. Sometimes, she ran out of patience. When she did, she roared. In impeccable, classy English, of course.

But I decided I would not be afraid of her. I decided I would love her and learn everything she had to share. I listened to her. Imitated every phonetic sound that came out of her mind. I mimicked the movement of her lips. I aped the sound of her voice.

She noticed. Then, she AFFIRMED me. In that one moment of clear and powerful AFFIRMATION, she changed me and set me off to a journey in life that I will never forget.

Here was how she AFFIRMED me.

1. She TOLD me I am good. No, she told me I am "great".

She proudly announced to the class that she was impressed by how - at the age of 8 - I could excellently pronounce by "soft TH" (as in THin), my "hard TH", ( as in THe), and my "short A" ( as in the "A" in Apple). I blushed the first time she did. I never blushed again the many times she did that thereafter.

2. She REWARDED me

Mrs. Fernandez used to allow me to leave the class earlier than the rest of my classmates. She would always say, "You are good, you can go home now. Everybody else, stay for further drills".
Wow! Early on, I knew that Excellence pays off. And that someday, you can get paid much for being excellent.


3. She OPENED UP OPPORTUNITIES for me.

Mrs. Fernandez treated me like her Star. Like a Star. Four years after she discovered me, she chose me to recite a poem before the entire Grade School assembly. I was an intermission number. I stood at the stage for just about three minutes. Then, I got my first big audience APPLAUSE. She gave me my FIRST OPPORTUNITY to shine.

THE POWER OF AFFIRMATION: telling others about their tremendous potentials; rewarding them; giving them opportunities to shine.

THE POWER OF AFFIRMATION - the power of One Teacher's Faith in one kid.

In 1987, I was in a conversation with the public affairs director of the Franciscan University in Steubenville, Ohio. She remarked : "You speak very good English!". Twenty three years after Mrs. Fernandez first applied the POWER OF AFFIRMATION, the international audience recognized the ability.

Over the past 25 years, I have been coaching and training people in Public Speaking, Oral Presentation and Managing Media Appearances. My training programs consistently transform people's lives, personalities, careers and businesses.

Those training programs have a common foundation: THE POWER OF AFFIRMATION. I learned that from a direct experience of such Power from a Grade II Speech Teacher.

Thank you, Mrs. Sylvia Fernandez.

More Facebook Etiquette

Here are a few more tips on Facebook Etiquette based on the lessons I learned from my "citizenship" in FB country.

1. Acknowledge and respect feelings. When a friend posts a "feeling" in his or her "shout", don't argue. Feelings like "sad today" or "cranky" or simply "happy" are all valid. Friends post them because they either want sympathy or are simply eager to share joy. When friends post a negative feeling, it is often a cry for help. So, I put in a simple comment like "hoping things get better" or "am just here for you". I will not say "you should be happy" or "the day is too beautiful to waste on useless moping." I will NOT ask "why". I will leave it to my friend explain if he or she feels like doing so.

2. "Agree with my politics, or keep off my profile." Sometimes, friends post a political view or opinion. When they do so, it could be a knee-jerk response to a political situation or personality. It is hardly a dissertation based on a political philosophy. Such a post is more often than not just waiting for affirmation. Definitely, it's not looking for a long-drawn discussion. If I can't agree or say something enlightening without putting my friend on the spot, I will stop myself from commenting on the post.

3. Humor is welcome; insults, not. Occasionally, I put in a wisecrack on a friend's post. For example, one friend posted Kiyosaki's quote, "The lack of money is the root of all evil". I commented, "for corrupt people, evil is the root of all money". My friend recognized the humor, thanked me with a smiley. On another occasion, I posted in one site my recollection of an accident involving a prominent citizen of our town. I said he died in a helicopter crash. One person posted a reply saying "you are wrong; it was a small plane". Insulting. He made me look like an ignoramus . He could be correct, but he placed me in an embarassing situation. I stayed away from the profile, thereafter.

At the end of the day, these tips on FB etiquette are nothing new. They are the very same principles we applied when friendships were still mostly a face-to-face interaction. They made for lasting and enriching friendships then. They can still do the same in the Facebook era.